i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
