haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just gift wrapped bread.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
