I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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