halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
