does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
