Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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