i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
