Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
