I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
