I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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