Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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