I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
