....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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