The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
