i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm really busy with my period
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