She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
