I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i drank out of a bidet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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