I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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