at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
