so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
