I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
