All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
