If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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