If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
