News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
