Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
