I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
