I just threw up on my dentist
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
