My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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