He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
