They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
