My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
