ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
