1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
how does that bad decision feel?
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