I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
