So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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