I am spending my child support on dildos
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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