I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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