at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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