mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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