i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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