I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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