dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
nutella sex= disaster
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
