Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
