Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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