I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
