I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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