9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
