How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
