I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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