Kiss
Puke
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
